This may have been a filler episode, but boy was I rolling around and crying for Conrad Fisher.

I feel like so little happened, yet so much happened this episode. Belly, all I have to say is: please stand up. I become a bigger Jeremiah Fisher hater with each episode. Like no way you proposed again—with the world’s tiniest ring. I am not opposed to any type of ring, but when it comes to Jeremiah, after he did the weakest proposal in all TV history—and I’ve seen my fair share of the greatest proposals of all time—like seriously, do not get me started.

First of all, they opened the episode with Jeremiah and Belly, which makes sense, I know, but that does not mean I wanted to see it. Taylor has become such a liked character of mine. I’ve liked her, don’t get me wrong, but she is me and not me at the same time this season. Her reaction to the proposal was me, and then she was supportive, and then I was like, Taylor, please don’t encourage this.

I’ve seen my fair share of hate toward Anika this season, and all I have to say is—clearly, you haven’t read the books or watched the series so far. I love her. She’s real, even if she supports them getting back together.

I feel like I am Conrad, having to listen to “Jeremiah and Belly this,” “Jeremiah and Belly that.” But I love the Easter eggs to Conrad and Belly endgame—hopefully.

Call me crazy, but Belly and her dad’s conversation had me thinking back to a scene I saw in the trailer. I assume it’s the Fourth of July or around that time, as Belly is seen wearing the same shirt—so I can assume it’s an important detail. Apart from that, Belly talks about her dad and Laurel drinking wine and dancing and seeming to be really in love in those moments. It has me thinking back to the Notebook parallel in the trailer of Belly and Conrad drinking wine—perhaps a dance? Oh, I hope so.

I love how they are exploring other storylines this season. Of course, the show is about Belly, Conrad, and Jeremiah, but I love the exploration of different storylines—especially Steven and Taylor. They have stolen my heart, even if sometimes it seems like they’re not meant to be together in that moment. Laurel and John’s storyline is sparking interest in me. I like how they’re exploring their past and those moments that made them remember why they got together in the first place. I am for Conrad and Belly coming back together, but not every first love needs to. I would love to see Laurel explore a romantic connection with somebody else and genuinely let it settle—or be by herself. I’ve heard this around, but I wouldn’t mind a spinoff of Laurel and Susannah. I would tune in every week.

Belly and Steven’s siblingship is something I deeply adore—ever since prom last season. Him being there for her after Conrad and Belly broke up, but still being team Conrad, shows how deeply he cares for her happiness. He’ll be there for every decision she makes but puts his input in wherever necessary.

Apart from Taylor’s mom having money issues, the moment between Laurel and Belly haunted me in two different ways. First of all, seeing Cam Cameron in the sweet sixteen photo was like seeing an ex. I loved David playing Cam and oh-so wish we see a snippet of him at the end, even though I secretly know we won’t. He was oh-so loved the two seasons he was in. Then Belly saying, “Yeah, I was very gullible back then. I believed everything he told me.” Belly, please—I can’t handle you not just admitting you’re in love with Conrad.

Even though we didn’t get Belly voiceovering the scene of her shaving her legs, doing her hair, and getting dressed, I like to think it was the same thoughts flowing through her brain as the ones in the book.

It was like season one all over again when “Style” played and Conrad and Belly saw each other for the first time. Belly and Jeremiah had been talking about their wedding and what flowers they wanted—and the world STOPPED when she saw Conrad. Gosh, they are so in love and so endgame it hurts not seeing it all right now. And in the group photo, she looked at Conrad first, like she had so many times in the photos at the Cousins house. I like to think there is some symbolism there.

The Fisher brothers’ dad deeply annoys me so much, like “little sis?” I know in the book he had no idea they dated, so I like to think that was applied the same in the series as well, but please—rubbing everybody’s accomplishments or lack thereof, sorry not sorry, was beyond annoying.

Now the part I’ve been dreading—because of Conrad and only Conrad—the announcement of the engagement. Side note: I feel terrible that Conrad lost his job at the clinic, but I like to think he is going to do well at this new job he’s going to do, thanks to Agnes. Love her. I love the parts from the books that only book readers would know, such as the fact Conrad ordered the cheapest thing on the menu because Laurel was paying and Jeremiah ordered the second most expensive. That hold on the menu was purposeful, you guys. I remember in the book she mentioned how oblivious Jeremiah was because of the prices. Details, people.

That whole scene was chaos and emotions were rolling. Mr. Fisher just pushing and pushing—regardless of how much I dislike Jeremiah—like please, let’s slow it down. The looks between Conrad and Belly, the glances—I died right there. Conrad’s face killed me; he looked so disgusted, along with the rest. I loved Steven even more because of his blunt reaction. The constant scenes of Conrad’s face just killed me.

And the parallels, guys—Jenny Han is a genius. Belly showing everyone her ring, like in The Notebook when Allie shows Noah—like please, give it to me already. THE SONG!! I was beyond just all over the place. And then Belly and Jeremiah trying to kiss after all that—like Steven is me and I am Steven.

All I thought after that was—nobody said goodbye to Conrad. He was alone after that. Having to deal with all those emotions, ALONE. I just wanted to jump through my screen and hug him. The shots of him at the end were just torture. Just get it over with, Jenny Han. I loved and hated this episode and am not mentally ready for next week. With Richard dying and Conrad finding out—I was all over the place Tuesday night.